These last 2 months have been so amazing from a spiritual stand point. With everything else it's been with a mind set of just trusting that its all in God's hands. Which has always been a hard thing for me to do since I tend to want to have control of everything that happens in my life. Which in the past few months has proved that I can't control anything. So in this time of laying my life down before Him, I realize He's in control, all I can do is trust in Him because heck if he created the world and put every star in place, I think He can handle my life as well.
In the last 2 weeks, I started my fast and have really come to rely on Him to work in me. Some has been awesome and others have been very painful and unpleasant. It's hard when you realize you have some things rotting in your closet. It can be embarrassing when He goes through your closet and suddenly you smell a stench that you wish you could distract Him long enough so you can grab it and throw it out the window hoping he didn't see it. But nope, its the first thing He picks up and lovingly removes it and says "You are set free." Now obviously I'm not talking about a literal closet, This is a metaphor of the closet of my heart. A place where we think that our deep secrets that no one will ever find out about. The only ones that know are you, the enemy (who brings it out every time you think you could actually be a good person), and God. The only one that will lovingly take these burdens away without asking any questions, nor gives you any hoops to jump through is Jesus. You see, when He died on the cross and rose again. He did this so you can be free from your sin and not only that but from hell itself. Yes, He loves you that much. He says in His word (the Bible) that He knows the number of the hairs on your head (Luke 12:7), now I don't know about you but I don't have a clue how many I have but the very fact that He knows that is too awesome for words.
I know you'll probably think right now "How can He love me? look at all the bad things that have happened in my life, why would He allow all this?" Honestly we live in a fallen world, we have broken families and those that we encounter have a sin nature just like you and I. Not that that excuses them at all but it's true, only God can change them. Like the Bible says (Genesis 50:20) "You meant it for evil but God made it for good" or like that saying goes "what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger." Then there are things that happen (death, miscarriage, or heart break) that can't be explained or that we'll never fully understand till we go to heaven and even then....will it even matter? You'll be in heaven, where there's no pain or sorrow.
Becoming a Christian didn't magically solve anything. I still had disappointing things happen to me, the only difference was that I have Christ in my life. I have faith that He causes all things to happen for a reason (Jere 29:11), I may not understand them at the time but it will make sense later. It could be that God caused it so that I could help someone who has gone through the same thing.
I didn't grow up with a loving father, my parents divorced when I was a child. [It wasn't till I became an adult that I searched for my dad and I know what a loving father is here] The only father figure I had was my grandfather, I knew he loved me and I couldn't wait to see his big white Ford pickup pull into the driveway. He would give me a big bear hug and I would always ask him if he left anything in his lunch box for me, he always did. It didn't matter if the food or his coffee was cold, I just wanted to eat or drink whatever he had that day. I looked up to him, I didn't think anything could take him down. Sadly he suffered a stroke when I was 8 yrs old, not only did his life drastically change but mine did as well. I didn't know how to process it all, frankly I feared him. It was hard to understand what the Father/child relationship looked like. When I became a Christian (I was 15 yrs old) I was awe struck to think that God would want me to go to Him (the creator of the universe) the way a child goes to their father. He wants to pick you up when you fall, He wants to wipe away the tears from your eyes and tell you "Everything will be okay." He'll hold you when you feel like everything around you is falling apart. All He wants from you is your heart. He wants you to let him in. Let Him come in and clean out your closet and give you clothes that are white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). Let Him love you.
If you would like to receive Him into you life, just pray this prayer:
"Lord God, thank you for loving me enough to send your one and only Son to die for me. I know I am a sinner, and that Jesus was crucified and raised to life to pay a debt I was unable to pay, in order that I may live with You forever. I want to turn from my way of life and follow Jesus. I invite Jesus into my heart as the Lord of my life. Thank you, Father, for giving me new life in the name of Jesus. Amen!"
If you've prayed this prayer, you need to get connected with a bible teaching church. You need to read your bible, which is God's love letter to you. If you don't know where to start, start in the book of "John," which is in the New Testament. From there you can continue through the New Testament or skip to another book in the New Testament. And don't be afraid to pray to Him, He wants to hear from you. You don't need to pray in "Thee's and thou's," just as you talk now is the way He wants you to pray to HIm.
Jesus loves you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
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